The last piece

The color of July:

                I’m beginning to think that the month of July hates me. I could be having the time of my life and BOOM here comes July to crap all over everything. I’m trying to take everything in stride but maybe I’m not that great of a person. I’m just tired but at least the gratitude list has me taking everything a little bit better.

               

              Despite my sporadic posting (at best) I’ve been focusing on the things to be grateful for. Life is full of challenges and the protagonist doesn’t always win.  As much as I hate to say that something is what it is, life simple is what it is. Which is pretty much everything. No matter what you just have to keep walking I like to call it our Hungarian credo. Maybe it won’t be the most graceful of walks or fierce but my head will be held up high and there are better things that deserve my attention.

                My heart may be broken… again… literally. Hopefully, my trip to the doctor today will give me better information.  It’s been worse the last week but I’ll get through it. But all and all I’m grateful for the life I’ve led thus far. I hope to continue it LOL! But should ever the worst should happen, I know that the life I’ve led is my own and it’s rocked.

Things I know/ gratitude list:

               True love exists, just not for me. I will always give it freely but to be loved by one, truly loved would be something people would have to earn. Call me a skeptic but a good chunk of people think they are entitled to it.

1.       But I have the love of:

a.       Friends

b.      Family

c.       Strangers who I’ve affected and didn’t know it. I made impact that changed their lives and if I can’t find beauty in that, where can you?

2.       Luck is where you find it; I just always seem to leave it under the couch or stuck in between cushions

3.       Shit happens but good can come of it.

4.       I can make my dreams happen

5.       I can make changes in my life and no one has the power to break my will unless I allow it. Even if Mr. Big thinks I’m dumb, doesn’t love me or can’t spare a second to say hello- it’s my choice to allow it to break my spirit. Although it may break my heart and tear it to shreds, I have the one piece. There is the one piece that no one can ever take from me. The one piece that remembers the love I have for the world around me, the pieces that know that a fire burns with in and that I don’t need justification from anyone.  It is that one piece of myself that still lives, still burns, holds me up when I can no longer keep going.  It holds my hands and tells me it’s okay to feel, to be human.

It’s up to me to keep that piece to myself and it is in my right to take it back should I ever lend it out. These are the things that I am grateful for.