Mind you, as I wrote this I choked on my own breath. Now how intelligent does that sound? You know I’m your favorite armchair scholar. I use the term scholar instead of intellectual because it would be amuse that I was building on something that already existed. I am, however, seeking out new knowledge or what I otherwise noted today as useless chunks of knowledge crammed into my brain hole.
I actually enjoy the idea of bringing something weird or
obscure into a conversation. I mean look at it this way, Yesterday I learned
that one of those freakish things that you pray to god doesn’t exist; does in
fact exist. What could this possibly be? The goliath bird eating spider. A
spider, that doesn’t need a web, or jumping powers. It sneaks up on birds and
to make matters worse, they have acid spit and tiny hairs that can cut your
eyes and lips. If the average human being eats approximately 8 spiders per life
time this fucking spider would be the WORST and LAST thing you choked on before
you died from tiny hair lacerations.
The worst thing is that this isn’t the worst icky thing that
I have learned about. Actually, there are officially 6 things I wish I didn’t
know where out there. Wanna know what they are? Simple Cracked.com baby. Here’s
the link http://www.cracked.com/article_16054_6-endangered-species-that-arent-endangered-enough.html.
If that’s not enough, try watching things like “River Monsters” and you come to
the realization that all those freaking cat fish that you thought where just
goofy looking, bottom feeding fishies; think again. Those things are in the
same family as things that will literally eat you from the inside out to weird
that will just eat half of you with its sand paper lips.
No joke here people. I used to feel bad for those cat fish.
I used to call them the short bused kids of the fresh water but not anymore.
Now I’m looking at aquarium fish like they going to take out a tiny knife out
of their fishie pockets and cut their iddy bitty fish chest and mouth, “Come at
me bro. I fucking dare you.” Laughable if you were at a supercenter like Wal-Mart
or something. But what if you were alone? And it just stared at you and wouldn’t
stop. I’ll let your nightmares do the rest.
Even when you believe that you are somehow in the realm of
safety, for example: you’re safe from a poisonous snake because you chopped its
head off. BUZZZ wrong. Apparently they
have heat centers by the sides of their head that will automatically trigger the
very dead snake head to bite at the heat source. AKA you. And yes the poison is
still there. So what is scarier than zombies? Zombie snakes that a fraction of their
original size.
As I read up on weird, obscure pieces of knowledge I find
myself wondering; who the hell is doing weird researches? Right now, I’m
reading about things that still continue to live even though they are dead thus
the zombie snake. For instance, one segment is about frogs still kicking after
their dead with isn’t freaky as much as it is electric impulses and limbs
acting upon its accord. But here I am staring at recently de-brained frog. My
reaction to that is like most things on the internet. 1st reaction: “Ew.”
2nd reaction: “Why the hell would they do that?” 3rd: “Oh,
I get it. Still, EW.”
Now before people start wigging out over the concept of
animal cruelty (which I would be all for especially in this case) are two
points. First off the frog goes on with his little froggy life as if it isn’t technically
dead. Secondly, a 19th century neurologist discovered this and as
far as I’m concerned I’m grouping these people in with the grave robbing creeper
of centuries past. You know, that archaic time when science still under the
terminology of “art.” So the reasoning behind this I suppose I can understand.
The video on youtube, however, is an active demonstration of not only flat cruelty
but one of those things you hear about but don’t do.
It comes to reason that maybe I shouldn’t be reading this
stuff whatsoever due to my growing paranoia. Like assassinated Russian Billionaires
who might be dead proof that ex KGB members are out there lurking pretending
that communist Russia is dead. When it is not and it could be butt loads of
crazy shit coming our way. Hello, anyone read the news about the EU? One word:
Cyprus. I try to think back to a safer time when I could walk freely and play
in the streets without fear. Good, old Toronto. My point is, that I think no
matter what the particular obscurity (case in point people in Toronto think it’s
weirdo that I live in Iowa and vice versa) we are all obscure in one way or
another.
Happy nightmares
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