I tasted the last tender bits of summer on my tongue today
and came to the realization that changes, true change had begun to flourish in
the shifting winds of the season. I have come to a cross roads as it is. Things
in my life have to change. The old have become septic, infectious and a growing
from of emotional gangrene. I remember
listening to music and literally feeling the essence of fire and truth beaming
in every word. I never thought that I would lose my fire, my strength or my
confidence to emotional staph infection and yet here I find myself writing
about the state my emotional life which appears to be dwarfing all areas of my
life.
How did I let it get this far?
I was never so detached from
reason that I could not see the power of my mental companies. Yet, now I am
frozen in time. An apparition doomed to dance the dance macabre in a crooked
fashion outside of the lithe fashioning’s of Spanish moss that hangs in the
bitter tendrils of my mind. How do I get
things to change without the challenge of causing pain to all those around me?
Do I run to another area to rebuild my life a new or do I stay in this area
wading my way through the moss and music attempting to salvage the parts of my
life that are still livable.
Or do I resurrect monuments to the failed exploits
of my life thus far but life is for the living and monuments are for the dead.
If that is true, how do I stop my life from becoming a graveyard of losses?
This graveyard seems as if it is like an endless swirls of praying angels and
tilted towers of ill spent pride.
To freeze? To fight? Or to take flight?
If there are people you love where you are, and things or cherished relationships there that can be salvaged, you will always question running away. You can leave the physical past behind, but the ghosts seem to follow and haunt you no matter where you go. If there are bridges left; reach out, try to rebuild, and you may be shocked by how much or who you thought was lost can be found again.
ReplyDeleteI kind of agree with the first person. You wrote in the last post you had no one, but here you say there are people around you. People you could hurt. That must mean you are close to people there. People that would miss you. That must mean someone loves you girl. Your other post mentions about how special of a place you live in. It cant be too bad there. I think you do need to pick up the phone, knock on a door, or text someone. If you run, there will still be struggle, but there will not be those people. You will notice the absence.
ReplyDeletehi
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say to you anonymous. If you truly are anonymous. Is that I find it funny you mention "who you thought was lost can be found again" when a who is not even mentioned in this blog. So while we are on the subject of who. Let me ask you this? How can someone be found, when they can't even find themselves? Maybe you should go back a few blogs, preferably the one called, "Ten Years". Read it. And ask yourself? Would you ever try to rebuild a bridge with someone who destroyed it? Or better yet! someone that nuked it! Scorched the earth beneath it so badly with lies, manipulation, selfishness and greed! That the only salvageable piece of that bridge. Is a friendship. That she has put her sweat, blood and tears into salvaging just that! For the past 3 years! Sacrificing everything she has to someone who treats her so badly! But yet he refuses to accept that she wants to move on with her life, and has found a man who he will never amount to, and treats her like the goddess that she is, with the love and respect that she deserves! He is in so much denial! That he can't even acknowledge my existence! lol. Really, its just too much, and its pathetic, that a grown man. Won't acknowledge his own mistakes and move on with his life, and is so blinded with his own stubbornness to realize that the relationship that was, will never be again. All that remains is a friendship that she wants but that he throws away. Give her what she deserves, freedom from the controlling and manipulative personality, let her be happy! Stop purposely inflicting pain on her when she has done nothing wrong. If he ever loved her he will let her go. -written by: Hansen Werner (Because its time I was heard)
ReplyDeleteChange is like a stream of water that occasionally pools from debris that falls in our stream. At the neck of the pools the debris congests causing the water to halt and spill over. This can be caused from anything that happens in our lives from people, emotions, stress and just life. The water then becomes stagnant and can't flourish. We leave it alone hoping the water will eventually flow on its own. We change nothing and stay in the one pool going in circles, dancing the dance macabrethe. Only until we change can we make a difference in our stream so that it may become pure and nourish not only ourselves but everything are water touches. Change doesn't cause pain to others. Others create pain to avoid change, because they fear the unknown. They have been circling so long in a pool of built up debris, they believe if they try to change to let the stream flow, that it won't, and they haven't even tried. Because they feel safe and comfortable in the swirl of sludge. If you really want to challenge yourself, change. Clear the blockage don't let it hinder you from the life you were always meant to have. True friends will always be your friends no matter where you go in life. So don't be afraid of change if they are afraid of change. Its easy to change, its easier to do nothing. -written by: Hansen Werner (Because out of abundance of the heart the mouth speaks)
ReplyDelete